Thinner....

Update: Mom is down 52lbs now.

I just bought new clothes today so I can stop stalling my weight loss and get back into gear. I was afraid if I lost more weight, I wouldn't have any clothes that fit me for the winter! It's easier in the summer in 1-size dresses, but I'd be too cold in the winter. I deliberately "cheated" on my diet for a couple weeks, just maintaining my weight. Now, armed with several new slacks, a nice warm wool/cashmire blend sports jacket, and new blouses, I'm ready to take on the next 20lbs.

So here I am at 155lbs or so. I'll be heading firmly into size 12 territory, and once I do, I'll have to abandon the size 16s I've been "getting away with". The size 14 clothes I still have will see me through the transition up to the brink of size 10, but there wasn't enough clothing for the whole cold season in New York.

Onward, and downward! :)

One Size fits me

174.6lbs. 36.5"waist, 45.25" hips. [Ed. oops, just noticed the typo -- I don't weigh 74lbs, nor do I ever want to!]

The way my body is built, I'll never have a 20" waist, but I'm going from "rather plump" to "pleasantly curvy" which is a change for the better.

I felt for the first time in a while like I could wear a dress yesterday -- 80 degrees, and I feel less than fat. A dress that would NOT fit me just last fall, now fits well and will only look better and better as I take off weight. I put on a different dress first, but while it fit, it was still too tight in the gut-hip area, where I'm carrying what my mom calls the family belly, so my daughter wore it.

I've been having discussions with my weight-loss partner (my mom) about rewards for a good job done on a diet, about feelings of entitlement when traveling or socializing. It's just not healthy to think that you spent so much money to go someplace you deserve to have a large meal (or dessert, or snacks, or...). The two are unrelated. Our society brainwashes us into thinking that white flour, sugar, potatoes are "rewards" and these messages are hammered into our head from the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep.

If you spent a lot on a trip you should darned well enjoy the trip, enjoy healthy choices, enjoy your food, relax, get extra sleep, get some extra exercise in the pool or workout room, but don't think that you deserve to treat your body badly because you're spending some extra time away from home or with friends.

I spend a lot of money every month on networking events, often those events come with breakfast, lunch or dinner. I also go to committee meetings where the fare of the morning is donuts or bagels (I've come to call them the "donut meeting" and "bagel meeting" respectively when talking about them to my partner, just to really point out how ridiculous this "culture" is.) I can think to myself "Well, I pay my $400/year for membership in this chamber, so I deserve the free breakfast!" And that type of thinking can get me into much more than $400 of health concerns and illness, and new larger clothes purchases to accommodate my brainwashed mentality. Several members of said chamber are in trouble healthwise and taking drastic measures to change their weight, and I find that very very alarming. I drink my shake religiously before going, treat myself to an herbal tea when I get there, and instead of fussing with food, I pay attention to the meeting! I can network better without a mouth full of bagel anyway.

We need to reconsider what we put into our mouths. 500 years ago there WAS no white sugar, or white flour, or white rice. It's not in our genetic or metabolic make-up to properly handle them, much less "high-fructose corn syrup" and "hydrogenated fats". To watch our weight, every calorie that goes into our body has to carry nutrients with it, and any nonsense calories that go into our body aren't holding up to their end of the reasons we ingest food in the first place. High-glycemic foods like potatoes, sugar and white flour cause a bounce-back reaction that leads to cravings, and cravings lead to binge eating and overeating. I watch people put 3-4 spoons of sugar into their drink, eat 3 pieces of white-bread before eating a full dinner, a plate full of french fries, etc. I just have to choose differently than they do, not feel deprived. I think of those things as fat cells going right into their bodies, and they're far less appealing.

I miss those starchy sugary foods just like the next person would, but I know better. Even if it takes a lot of mental willpower, discipline, and self-talks to stay away, I know I can change my own mind about anything, and I'm determined to erase the nutritional brainwashing and damage done by our culture, so I can live a healthy and long life.

Next goal: halfway point: 166.0lbs - squarely size 16 pants, and the original broadway cast recording of Evita (my reward, a 2 album set). Not going out to dinner. Not dessert. Not ice cream.

Say cheese!

It's almost a struggle to figure out what I can have for my "real meal" that fits my suggested protein/carb/fat ratios. Thank goodness for cheese. When I'm stuck needing some extra protein and fat, cheese to the rescue!

I calculated my entire intake using the application that comes with my diet program. I had 8 lean chicken meatballs with mozzarella (2 servings), green beans, brown rice -- and even had butter on the beans & rice! But I darned well needed more fat and protein, so I was able to have 4 1" cubes of cheese last night. That's a lot of cheese. This is a mixture of local farmer's cheddar and horseradish cheddar. Mmmm.

If I'm struggling to lose weight, I'll adjust my carb intake down, but I'm trying out about 1500 carbs a day.

Am I in denial?

Is this denial of pleasure?

I have Ghirardelli chocolate chips in the cabinet. Pita chips. Sun chips. Blue corn chips. Surrounded by what might be temptation.

My partner, who purchased a different brand of fake-sugar protein products to help control his own weight also just baked 2 apple pies.

Me, I bought a food scale.

I don't think of this as "denial" -- I think of this as discipline. I'm drinking the 3rd shake, having gotten through yesterday A-OK. This thing is really good. No "getting used to" needed. Ok, maybe I have to get used to drinking my breakfast until my meal replacement bars come (they're backordered). But I don't feel like I'm missing out on something sweet, because this shake really is sweet. Maybe too sweet, because I don't usually run around having very sweet things.

Still, I'm glad he baked apple pies and didn't make another cheesecake. Once the inches start coming off and I'm seeing real results, I can probably resist cheesecake. That's a tough one.

I'm actually an all-around cheese freak, so I'll have to make sure I can get in doses of cheese, too. I'll check the meal tracker to make sure they're allowable, and figure out how to add cheese to this diet plan -- even if it's lowfat, I'm just cheese-dependent :)

[By the way, said pie was baked the night before, and wasn't touched until the morning. Half a pie was eaten by my roommate and my partner. This photo is before my son tried a small slice in the evening. I can resist apple pie, it's not my favorite. I'm glad my pie-website client didn't offer barter as a form of compensation, though. :) ]